I would like to introduce myself…

My name is Jon (Jov for short). A few months ago I was walking the world’s greatest dog (see below) across the Suska-henney River and saw some fishermanz. I pondered a thought to myself, “I feel like if I ever got over my fear of touching a fish, I’d enjoy fishing a lot.” But, as a useless PhD student (Hey! Drop the preconceived notions, I used to be a high school math teacher so I know how to work hard (for roughly half of a calendar year) ) with zero responsibilities other than making sure the aforementioned dog takes his moose-sized poops in the morning, I felt like I didn’t have the time to:

a) go to Walmart and buy a rod for $50

b) conquer my fear of fish being slimy

But then an international epidemic hit the world and I had even more time to myself. Each day I would walk by those sweet, murky Suska-henny river waters and get reminded of my inadequacies – I’m too poor to buy a rod at Walmart (this one is actually true I really can’t afford this extremely cheap hobby)? I’m afraid of a creature that, from my own personal research, can’t even walk? “ENOUGH!” I shouted at Bubz (the now two-time aforementioned dog), “I’m going fishing!”

So I went to Walmart and bought a rod, a reel, and a license, along with a couple cheap lures. I drove home and watched a couple youtube videos on how to cast. Talked to a friend who has fished his whole life for advice (I now fish with him and realize he legit can’t catch anything), read up about the river I live 2 minutes from, but most importantly, I got off my couch and, you know, FISHED! And I got knots, bug bites, more knots, and wet feet. My first real fishing trip was just a special little spot where a creek leads into the river (right by where a Native American village was burned to the ground, so some history!). I thought I saw maybe something jump but nothing else. For the first two weeks of fishing, I didn’t catch anything, on a river THIS big:

But then I went home to central Mass and to a local retired reservoir I used to run around (that’s right, I was a borderline varsity XC runner on the last place team in the Mid-Wach B Division back in the day). I saw a lot of things were happening under the water and I cast with all my strength (~20 ft cast). I reeled in a jointed floater (looks like a little minnow and has two pieces so moves a lot while reeling) in the most ridiculously pointless fashion thinking that’s what actual fishing experts do (they don’t). And then boom, an actual fish was on! It was a giant (don’t look down you’ll ruin the effect), and he/she/fish-might-be-one-of-those-creatures-that,-dependent-on-the-scarcity-of-one -sex-or-another-in-the-population,- will-switch-sex fought like a banshee on the way in. However, I do pushups 2x a week so I knew this fish was coming on to land no matter what. Final result, a small large mouth bass (they have big mouths and a stripe down the side), here’s a pic of the goliath (I have huge hands):

Yeah its not great but it was my first (get your mind out of the gutter!). A lil bass. And you know that fear I mentioned I had about touching a fish? It goes away when you realize either the fish dies and you’re eating it (I do NOT like trophy hunting, but have no problem if you’re eating it), or you grab that sucker, unhook it, and let it go. Ain’t nobody wants a waste of life on their hands. Bass don’t make great eating from what I’ve read (waiting for my first trout, but thats another blog) so I snatched it and was able to get the hook out quickly. Let it go and knew I was hooked. I even caught a Crappie afterwards too, it spiked my thumb pretty good (dorsal fins are no joke), fought like an even bigger banshee, and looked cool to boot:

I decided to start this blog because I think fishing is a really enjoyable hobby that teaches patience, lets you enjoy nature, and that more people could benefit from it. I am not an expert, but given my ego will naturally be presenting most of my experiences as such – that’s where the satirical part comes in. I hope I can encourage others to find their local watering hole and cast a line here and there.

I’ll try and provide both the low and the high -lights to my experiences in a way that makes you chuckle (about 3 times a week). If any of this made you want to try fishing, remember its not rocket science.

Just cast and pray,

Jon (see below for an alpha fisherMAN)

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