Guess Who’s Back, Back Again.

It’s been far too long and for that I apologize. But I’ve come bearing gifts – that’s right, I actually caught a fish. As a REEL man, I’m going to ignore the fact I massively failed my goal of catching one single fish during the winter and just brag about my most recent accomplishments. But first, a little backstory…

The past month has been bleak, brutal, and beguiling (beguiling is here because I wanted a third “B” word). My spirt was down in the dumps, my sense of self had been shattered, and my T levels were rock bottom. I had been reduced to actually targeting sunfish. Seriously. The tiniest, meekest types of fish – I was convinced I’d never catch anything again. So I found myself casting a little tiny lure out into this creek:

And guess what? Nothing. Again. For the one millionth time in a row. I was at a loss. How was I to regain my former glory? To shine like the fishing star I once was? I decided to go for a long walk with Bubz to help pick up the pieces of my shattered manhood (whereas Bubz would pick up pieces of goose poop). And then it finally dawned on me, it was my last shot but it was sure to work…

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That’s right, I grew a mustache (i.e., shaved my beard). It is the quickest way to reestablish your moxy, musk, and mediocrity. To say the ‘stache reinvigorated me is an understatement. After spending most of a Saturday staring at my newfound power (and/or sex appeal ) in the mirror, I woke up Sunday feeling a little frisky. So I hopped into my truck, found another creek, and grabbed the smallest rod I own in hopes of catching a couple bluegill or some other tiny fish (hence the smallest rod, the smaller the rod the harder/more fun it is to reel in the fish).

I casted out and started reeling back in, determined as all heck feeling the power of the ‘stache coursing through my veins… and then, BAM! I felt a sharp tug on my line and realized I had a bite. I started reeling in more and more and hauled in quite the surprise:

I was stunned! I was hoping for a crappie (literally) and got a trout! I let the fish go and cast out yet again, thinking it was just a fluke. And then… BAM!

Another trout! I mean, I cant say I was too surprised, I knew my mustache would help tremendously. But still, I literally doubled the number of trout I’ve caught in my life within about three minutes. Now these weren’t the biggest trout of all time, but catching them made me feel like the belle of the ball… wait, no it made me feel like the most lone wolf alpha-est male-man of all time…. yeah, that’s better. Anyways. I cast out yet again and then… BAM!

A quick update on Bubz. He finally got his “bad toof” removed. He had a rough few days in recovery but he is now at 100% and back to being extremely annoying whenever there is a single calorie of food anywhere or when he believes it’s time to wake up.

I ended up catching five rainbow trout in about 30 minutes. And this is why I talk so much about moxy and musk – fish respect the man behind the lure more than you’d think. The second I walked up to that bank with a bristly and full ‘stache trout basically offered themselves to be filleted.

This is where I should note that clearly this was a freshly stocked creek about two weeks before trout season opens up in New York (i.e. your allowed to keep the fish). But I’m not going to do that – because it’s boring. I’m going to instead continue to use my recent fishing success as a way to justify my facial hair decisions.

After the fifth trout, I decided I should pack it in and head home. But I decided what the heck, lets try the closest area to the truck for just a bit before leaving. And then, BAM!

And this was awesome! I caught my first brown trout (“brown” is sometimes misleading, they can take on a number of hues). Brown trout are, clearly, bigger than rainbows – in fact, this guy was probably hoping my lure was a rainbow trout. It was super fun to catch this guy on such a small rod – he absolutely smashed the lure and jumped out of the water. I ended up catching another one as well:

So yeah, I guess you could say I’m back. It feels good knowing fish are once again respecting my prowess. I texted Tommy about my success and he is literally inconsolable knowing full well he cant grow a mustache and achieve my level of success (I’m not totally sure if he can or cannot grow a ‘stache, but also obviously if you can grow a mustache you do it).

It’s about to be peak fishing season and I got a surprise lined up for you, so lets get after it.

Cast and Pray (and grow a ‘stache),

Jon